Tuesday edition · October 27, 2026Independent satire for an increasingly plausible world
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Trending nowAnthropic Lost $80.7 Billion In Six Months, Assures Investors It Was Very Careful About ItCampaign Text Asking For $5 Follows Up To Ask Why Voter Has Been So Distant LatelyMan Who Clicked ‘Accept All Cookies’ in 2009 Now Owned by 4,000 WebsitesDad Frozen Into Recliner Still Refuses to Touch Thermostat Set at 62Melania Trump Brokers Ceasefire for One Town; Rest of War Asked to Detour Around ItFox Tells World Series Announcers to Mention the Dodgers Every Four Minutes

The Prickled Herald: today's front page

An office worker in a white hard hat, safety goggles and blue gloves carefully feeds a hundred-dollar bill into a paper shredder beside stacks of banded cash and an orange traffic cone.BreakingAnthropic Lost $80.7 Billion In Six Months, Assures Investors It Was Very Careful About ItOctober 26, 2026A hand holds a smartphone showing late-night campaign texts asking if everything is okay, a reply reading STOP, and a follow-up asking if STOP is what he really wants.PoliticsCampaign Text Asking For $5 Follows Up To Ask Why Voter Has Been So Distant LatelyA man in an auditorium seat holds a laptop showing a cookie pop-up that says he is jointly owned by 4,012 partners, with buttons for Accept All and Manage CustodyLifestyleMan Who Clicked ‘Accept All Cookies’ in 2009 Now Owned by 4,000 WebsitesAn old round dial thermostat on a wood-paneled wall with a strip of masking tape across it reading Don't, DadLifestyleDad Frozen Into Recliner Still Refuses to Touch Thermostat Set at 62

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AI Hurricane Model Moves Storm to Kansas After Receiving FeedbackBillionaires Respond To California Wealth Tax By Trying To Buy Tax OfficeWildlife Documentary Uncovers Honeybee Protection Racket Operating Across Local MeadowDining Table Fired After Complaining About Sixth Spaghetti Dump DinnerMan Taps 'Remind Me Tomorrow' On Phone Update For 312th Straight NightThe Oat Milk CartonGovernment Confirms 'Five Minutes Away' Means You're Still at HomePhone's Weekly Screen-Time Report Says It's Not Mad, Just DisappointedThe Casserole Dish: Five Years, Four Households, One Missing LidThe Data Center

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October 2026

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Man With 57 Cats Finds Out He Is Not the Biological FatherAnimals · December 3, 2019Man With 57 Cats Finds Out He Is Not the Biological FatherDaytona Beach, FL – A man recently had some DNA tests to see if he was the actual father of 57 cats. David Lioni, 34, just...
Florida Teenager Outraged Because Hunting Isn’t Like the Video GamesFlorida Teenager Outraged Because Hunting Isn’t Like the Video GamesUncategorized · December 15, 2019Man’s Quest to “Quickly Check Email” Leads to 4-Hour Deep Dive into Obscure Wikipedia ArticlesMan’s Quest to “Quickly Check Email” Leads to 4-Hour Deep Dive into Obscure Wikipedia ArticlesLifestyle · September 6, 2024Grandma’s Wiener Dog Is Actually a Mobile Speed Camera, Authorities RevealGrandma’s Wiener Dog Is Actually a Mobile Speed Camera, Authorities RevealTechnology · January 28, 2026Labor Day Sales: Shoppers Fight Over Discounted Toasters, World Peace Still ElusiveLabor Day Sales: Shoppers Fight Over Discounted Toasters, World Peace Still ElusiveLifestyle · September 2, 2024New BMW Owner Discovers Turn Signals For the First TimeNew BMW Owner Discovers Turn Signals For the First TimeUncategorized · November 3, 2019Roomba holding a knife.Florida Man Fights Roomba in Walmart, Demands Trial by Combat for RefundLifestyle · April 5, 2025

Best of the Herald

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Congress Approves $500 Million to Study Why Congress Never Gets Anything DonePoliticsCongress Approves $500 Million to Study Why Congress Never Gets Anything DoneElon Musk Announces Twitter Users Can Now Pay $500 a Month to Make Him LaughPeopleElon Musk Announces Twitter Users Can Now Pay $500 a Month to Make Him LaughEagles Celebrate Super Bowl Win with Limited-Edition ‘Victory Steaks’ Featuring Chiefs’ TearsSportEagles Celebrate Super Bowl Win with Limited-Edition ‘Victory Steaks’ Featuring Chiefs’ TearsGreenland Prime Minister Asks Trump If He Can Buy Florida InsteadPoliticsGreenland Prime Minister Asks Trump If He Can Buy Florida Instead

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Rows of yogurt cups stacked on the shelves of a refrigerator next to a bowl and a tub of cheese.Yogurt Left in Office Fridge Since 2019 Promoted to Middle ManagementLocal Homeowners Fined For Failing To Provide “Adequate Lawn Seating” For Paralyzed IguanasLocal Homeowners Fined For Failing To Provide “Adequate Lawn Seating” For Paralyzed IguanasMan has been “Quiet Quitting” his Job for 40 YearsMan has been “Quiet Quitting” his Job for 40 YearsMan Identifies as Lawn-American. Declares Lawnmower as Part of Identity.Man Identifies as Lawn-American. Declares Lawnmower as Part of Identity.

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