Wednesday edition · October 28, 2026Independent satire for an increasingly plausible world
Prickled HeraldReal News, I Think
The Daily EditionThe truth, with a raised eyebrowA paper cut above the news.
Trending nowJustice Department, Told No by Grand Jury, Goes to Ask the Other Grand JuryVoter Fraud Tip Line Flooded With Reports That Other Candidate Is Getting VotesDOJ Files for Automatic Six-Month Extension on Prosecuting James ComeyAnthropic Lost $80.7 Billion In Six Months, Assures Investors It Was Very Careful About ItCampaign Text Asking For $5 Follows Up To Ask Why Voter Has Been So Distant LatelyMan Who Clicked ‘Accept All Cookies’ in 2009 Now Owned by 4,000 Websites

Reel

Phone's Weekly Screen-Time Report Says It's Not Mad, Just Disappointed

· 37 sec

Watch full screen

Transcript

Your phone's weekly screen-time report has arrived, and this week it would like to talk.

Your screen time is up 38% this week, to six hours and forty-seven minutes a day. We're not mad. We just know you can do better.

On screen8:02 · Sunday, March 9 · Screen Time · Weekly Report · Your screen time is up 38% this week. Daily average: 6h 47m. We're not mad. We just know you can do better. · now

When you didn't reply, it put a family meeting on your calendar for Sunday at four. Your tablet already accepted.

On screenFamily Meeting · Sunday, March 9 · 4:00 PM · Living room · Screen Time · You · pending · Tablet · accepted · Laptop · maybe · You opened our report at 8:02. You closed it at 8:02. Phones go in the basket.

Then it sent the whole report to your emergency contact, which is your mom.

Text messages

Your phone sent me your report

6 hours 47 minutes a DAY??

I'll be at the meeting at 4

Your mom's report came back too. Hers was nine hours.

On screen3:58 · Sunday, March 9 · Screen Time · Weekly Report · Daily average: 9h 12m. We're not mad. We've let your kid know. · now

Satire. Everything in this reel is made up for comedy.

More reels

All reels →