Grandmother Revives Grandson With a Box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese

Richmond, VA – There are some unconfirmed reports of a grandmother bringing her grandson back from the dead with a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

Helga Dementia, an 85 year old grandmother, made a grisly discovery when she found her 8 year old grandson, Damien, dead on the kitchen floor.

“I was just mindin (sic) my business and had my grandson, Damien, gone washing them dishes for his dear gramma.” She lightly placed her palm on her forehead, “Oh dear me, I heard a sound and made my way to him finding him lying on the floor. So a voice told me to fix him up his favorite meal, a fixin’ of my Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.”

Helga wanted to also ensure us that Kraft is the only thing you should be getting and is better than Elvis Presley in a bathing suit

Damien suddenly collapsed on the floor in the kitchen, which doctors say it was due to overworking conditions, which in his case, was from doing too many chores.

“Damien experienced what you call, syncope, which means there was an insufficient flow of blood to the brain, causing him to faint. However, there are rare risks of cardiac arrest which can lead to death.” said Dr. Dinglemore. “It would be important to make sure to keep your health in check periodically with your healthcare provider.”

The grandmother heard a loud noise in the kitchen and carefully used her walker to navigate to the kitchen, which was estimated to take about 20 minutes. Damien was then found unconscious on the floor. “I pass out all the time! I didn’t think anything was wrong. When I tried to wake him up, I noticed he done stopped breathing and had no pulse. So I panicked I did, immediately I gone press this button that’s around my neck,” she nodded with confidence. Helga was given a LifeAlert device from her doctor years ago, which calls for help for paramedics. 

“While I waited for help to come, I heard a voice tell me to fix him up a bowl of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese,” she added. “So I went and grabbed them box from that pantry there and shook it real good and he gone sat right up! Boy, I happily made him a good helping and he gone ate the whole thing,” she smiled. .

Doctors cannot verify the validity of Helga’s claim. The parents of the grandson were explained that the best course of action is to find her a maid, a psychic to check the house for any paranormal activity, and admit her to a healthcare facility for the causes of her syncopes.

Update: We apologize for the error as Trash Panda strikes again. The original submittal said “Velveeta Macaroni and Cheese” and has been corrected.
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