Traffic Lights Discovered to Be Secret Robots That Turn Every Light Red If You’re Running Late

Houston, TX – A recent discovery has been made by an AI enthusiast that traffic lights have a hidden network of robots that systematically turns the light red if you’re running late for work.

In part, the antiquated technology used for years were initially designed to be on timers and data that is derived from analyzing traffic patterns throughout the years. Or so everyone thinks.

“Generally, there’s been questions as to how the lighting systems are able to determine how to make you unbelievably late when you’re already running late,” said John Childers, who is the Deputy Director of the Department of Transportation. 

“Most people are to believe that getting stuck behind every single red traffic light in their path is due to having bad luck and their perception of time,” he added. “Just like how you see the same exact time on the clock everyday, it’s all in the head.”

But software engineer, AI enthusiast, and white hat hacker, Stafan Unbelodemeister, thinks otherwise.

“It’s a freaking conspiracy man,” he says. “Think about it, you’re actually going to be early for work and every single light you drive up to, turns green on you. But the one time, that one time you’re running late, game over man. Red all across the board.”

Stefan discovered that the traffic lights are actually controlled by robots with artificial intelligence which are linked in a network to synchronize the lights against you. And they have been doing so for over 20 years. He also concludes that the tiny little camera above the lights emit what you call  Psychological Emission Technology or P.E.T. For short. 

Mr. Childers frantically denied these allegations and assured us that they don’t scan your thoughts, as he wipes the sweat off his forehead.

“The only way for you to fight this, is to think that you’re not late at all,” Stefan concluded. “I don’t care if you are an hour late, it will work 100% of the time.”