Personal Loan Rates So High, Banks Offering Free Oxygen Masks with Every Application

NEW YORK, NY – As interest rates on personal loans continue to skyrocket at a pace that would make a rocket scientist dizzy, banks across the nation have resorted to desperate measures to entice weary borrowers. The latest gimmick? Offering complimentary oxygen masks with every loan application.

“We understand that these rates can be a bit… suffocating,” explained a spokesperson for the Bank of America, who was visibly struggling to breathe. “So, we thought, why not provide our customers with a little extra breathing room? Literally.”

The offer has been met with a mixture of shock, disbelief, and a surprising amount of enthusiasm. “I was initially hesitant,” admitted one borrower, who recently took out a loan to cover the cost of a vacation to the Bahamas. “But the free oxygen mask was the deciding factor. I figured, what’s the worst that could happen?”

Unfortunately, some experts warn that the free oxygen masks may not be enough to offset the crippling debt that comes with these sky-high interest rates. “It’s like trying to put out a forest fire with a water pistol,” said a financial advisor, who was last seen frantically fanning himself with a dollar bill. “You might get a temporary reprieve, but the flames are still going to consume you in the end.”

Despite the warnings, the banks remain optimistic about the success of their new marketing campaign. “We’re confident that our customers will appreciate the added value,” said the Bank of America spokesperson, taking a deep breath. “After all, what’s a little debt when you’ve got a free oxygen mask?”