Politics
Congress Accidentally Bans Itself While Trying to Ban Everything Else
Congress accidentally banned itself while trying to outlaw TikTok dances, weird fruit, and loud chewing, and the only way to undo it would be another act of Congress.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — This week, Congress managed to accidentally ban itself while attempting to pass a sweeping bill designed to prohibit a wide array of “modern threats,” including TikTok dances, weird fruit, and public displays of loud chewing.
The disaster unfolded when an unnoticed clause in the bill banned “any entity known for producing excessive, nonsensical, or redundant laws.” Legal experts were quick to confirm the obvious: Congress fits the description perfectly.
“We were just trying to stop oversized baby strollers from clogging sidewalks,” said Senator Karen Blaylock, who was seen frantically packing her desk. “How did this happen?”
Public reaction, however, has been overwhelmingly positive. “This might be the most productive thing Congress has ever done,” said Derek Thompson, a local mechanic. “They just saved us from themselves.”
At press time, former members of Congress were seen forming support groups, where they’re reportedly “working through the trauma” of being banned by their own incompetence.
Up nextThe weekly prick
The week's best stories, in your inbox.
One email a week. No spam, unsubscribe anytime.
