WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking yet unsurprising move, politicians from both sides of the aisle have come together to form a new political party that promises to achieve absolutely nothing. Dubbed the “Indecision Party,” this groundbreaking coalition is founded on the principle of agreeing to disagree on every conceivable issue.
“We realized that we’re really good at two things: arguing and getting nothing done,” said Senator Blurt McFilibuster, newly elected leader of the Indecision Party. “So why not make that our official platform? We’re committed to taking no stand on any issue, ever. It’s bipartisan gridlock, streamlined.”
The party’s first official statement was an extended debate over whether their logo should be a shrugging emoji or a question mark, resulting in a compromise: a shrugging question mark. Their motto, “We’ll See,” is already being printed on millions of bumper stickers, though they can’t agree on a color scheme.
Key initiatives include:
- Healthcare: “We’re considering some changes, but we haven’t decided yet. Stay tuned.”
- Climate Change: “We acknowledge it might be happening, but we’ll get back to you on whether we care.”
- Economic Policy: “We might raise taxes, or cut them, or do nothing at all. We’re keeping our options open.”
Political analysts predict the Indecision Party will be wildly successful, as it perfectly encapsulates the current mood of the American electorate: frustrated, confused, and ready to argue about it.
In the meantime, the Indecision Party is planning its first national convention, where the main agenda item is deciding whether or not to have an agenda.
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