UN Adopts New “Quiet Hours” Policy To Ensure Regional Wars Don’t Start Before 10 AM
After a chaotic morning of regional strikes and leadership assassinations,…
Government Shutdown Forces TSA To Replace High-Tech Scanners With Magic 8 Balls
The address was held during a partial government shutdown surrounding…
DNC To Counter 250th Anniversary With “America: The Reboot” Featuring More Diverse Founding Fathers
The DNC announced a boycott of the U.S. 250th anniversary,…
Burbank PD Reminds Citizens That ‘Being Too Hot’ Is Not A Valid Reason To Call 911
Burbank police are begging the public to stop calling 911…
Pam Bondi Announces All Legal Briefs Will Now Be Written In NASDAQ Tickers
Attorney General Pam Bondi establishes a new legal standard where…
Google Maps Adds ‘MLK Jr. Blvd Bypass’ To Help Drivers Find Faster Route To The 1950s
Google Maps introduces the “Civil Rights Bypass,” a new navigation…
Tech Giant Achieves 100% Recycling Rate by Instantly Crushing All New Products
Apex Technologies achieved a perfect recycling rate for its smart…
Local Homeowners Fined For Failing To Provide “Adequate Lawn Seating” For Paralyzed Iguanas
Sanford mandates high-visibility winter gear for invasive iguanas after record…
Efficiency Breakthrough: Delta Replaces 75% of Pilots with Single iPad Running Excel
Delta cut costs by replacing highly trained flight crews with…
Taylor Swift Implements ‘Thought Tax’ to Offset Fan Anxiety Over Her Private Jet Emissions
Pop star Taylor Swift introduces a new carbon offset program…
